Few weeks back I met my old friend and he shared that he got into an intimate relationship six years ago and experienced many highs and lows and unhealthy and chaotic moments. Now he wants to step up and move on and It is a big step for him. After being in chaotic relationship for so many years, opening his heart again is terrifying. Not only its terrifying, but he is scared, that what if he found himself diving right back into old, unhealthy patterns, choice of person and sabotaged his next relationships.
He mentioned that he started to lose himself in the relationship. It began to consume him and his thoughts, and he had a hard time focusing on other areas of his life. He feels that if he steps out from his relationship he would come across someone who is not capable to loving and caring.
But he also knows if he gets in new relationship without figuring out how to change these patterns inside the relationship, then he wouldn’t be able to create fulfilling and peaceful love.
Conversation with him gave me an idea to write blog. If you have been in relationships where you have lost yourself and engaged in unhealthy patterns, let me share few tips to help you way out of these patterns and create the love that you desire.
Receiving in Love
This may sound great to people who have tendency to lose themselves in relationships, but in order to create better relationships you need to give more to yourself. People who lose themselves in relationships are the ultimate givers. Often they give until it hurts them emotionally, physically and financially. They become burned out and out of balance and forget how to receive as much as they give.
The secret is to take better care of yourself.
If you continue to take care of yourself and own your worth, over time your ability to both give and receive in a balanced way will expand as well. You will start to be able to give more and get more in return.
Set your Limits
As you begin to expand your capacity to receive, you will also need to begin to set boundaries that match your current ability to give. Learning to say no or not right now in your relationship is a crucial tool in building solid and fulfilling relationships.
Sometime fear may take over, “What if I say No”. Trust me, “No” is not that bad word as it sounds. You can express yourself in rightful manner.
As you begin to take better care of yourself and own your worth, fear will naturally go away. Re-train your mind and body to understand and believe it is safe to take care of yourself first.
At the end I would like to say that, every relationship we have is just a reflection of our inner self. So, if we feel chaotic inside, it will reflect around us on the outside.